What should I do about the 23 year old guy dating my daughter?
Think G.S asked:
My daughter is 12 years old and he knows how old she is, yet he’s dating her and my daughter claims she loves him and so on. He’s definately a nice boy (very polite), but he’s too old and I know they have been having intercourse beucase I’ve found alot of used condoms in her room and I’ve heard some commotion from her room a couple of times when he was in there. I don’t want to report it to the police since I don’t want to get the boy into any trouble, since they obviously been having sex. What can I do?
P o l i c e = n o
OK. I am asking this question becuase I want to do something about it obviously.
My daughter is 12 years old and he knows how old she is, yet he’s dating her and my daughter claims she loves him and so on. He’s definately a nice boy (very polite), but he’s too old and I know they have been having intercourse beucase I’ve found alot of used condoms in her room and I’ve heard some commotion from her room a couple of times when he was in there. I don’t want to report it to the police since I don’t want to get the boy into any trouble, since they obviously been having sex. What can I do?
P o l i c e = n o
OK. I am asking this question becuase I want to do something about it obviously.
He looks younger and he’s very immature. AND I do think it matters that he’s a nice boy, a mother could definately find herself with a worse boy dating her daughter. Also, it’s definately not rape.
The reason why I will not contact the police is also for the boys safety and not only what my daughter will think of me.
CALL THE POLICE. It is called statutory rape. Don’t let him in the house anymore. What kind of parent allows a 23 yo guy to be alone with a 12 yo?
wow…yeah, your her mother. Tell him to stay away…and wait till she is atleast 18! If they are that much “in love”, then he will wait. And if you don’t stop it soon…he will be waiting in prison.
Baseball bat
And if that doesn’t work, shotgun.
I was all ready to come here and and delete my answer per your request but I changed my mind, i am not going to delete my answer. You need to know how serious this is. Your 12 year old girl is a CHILD! that man is an ADULT! Of course i don’t mean kill him but you do need to do something drastic to get him away from your daughter. It doesn’t matter what your CHILD will think of you now, what will she think of you when she becomes an ADULT? YOU did not stand up for her! YOU did not PROTECT her! YOU did not shield her innocence and FORCED her to grow up before her time! These are the things that matter and you need to do something before it’s too late!
I am not the sick individual here, you are.
Keep the guy away from your daughter! Don’t let him in the house and don’t let her go anywhere with him. By law he is RAPING her. She is 12 years old! Step up and be a parent! If you don’t want to report this crime then at least take some step to protect your daughter!
Yes, you should be worried. First of all this is illegal! Your daughter is 12! Stand up and explain to her why it is wrong. He needs to go find someone his own age, not your CHILD!
Threaten to call the police - give him an ultimatum. Odds are he’ll realize that she’s too young to be having that kind of relationship in the first place and not want to risk prison and the lingering title of sex offender/child predator that will follow him forever. And don’t let them alone in her room in your house - be a woman and protect your daughter.
Tell him to come back in like 6 yrs. Really what does a 23 yr old want with a 12 yr old their lives are completely different shes in what middle school. You should not worry about being nice and forbid it. At 12 she is way way to young to be having intercourse
Okay, first of all, please tell me you’re just a troll asking a stupid question. But on the chance you’re serious, why would you let her see this guy and why would you let him past the living room? Regardless of the age, boyfriends should never be allowed in the girls bedroom. If they want privacy to talk, they should have to go to the front porch.
There is something wrong with this situation, why would a grown as* man wants with a 12 year old? she a kid. He’s definitely taking advantage of your little girl that’s like rape. you need to something about it. I can’t believe you’re allowing that to happend .
R U FRIGGIN KIDDING ME? You have got to be the biggest weirdo person in all of America. Thats rape, and you and that grown-as*-man will both be in jail soon. Its like you’re soliciting her for free just because you know and won’t do anything about it. Thats illegal. You don’t want to put him in jail because she loves him, but who do you love and care about the most? him or your 12 year old?
You call yourself a parent? You are fucked up in the head woman, you shouldnt even allow the man to be around your 12 yr old daughter. If he really quote unquote “loves” your daughter then tell him to back off and wait till shes 18 and of LEGAL age. The law considers that as statatory rape. If you dont, he’ll end up in jail or end up dead. DO NOT let him go ANYWHERE with your daughter. I would NEVER EVER let my daughter go out with someone that much older then her. If you dont stop this now, she will end up pregnant at a young age, think about it, do you REALLY want your daughter to end up pregnant by the time shes 13?????? I wouldnt.
Why is he at your house? Why is a 12 year old dating?
Your suppossed to be the parent and protect your child.
Why in the world are you letting them be in her room together, alone, with the door closed?
Uh, a 23 year old MAN is not a nice BOY.
Isn’t it obvious? He shouldn’t even be interested in a twelve year old. You shouldn’t have let her date him in the first place! That is just wrong. Talk to her about it. He is raping her, by law. At twelve, you don’t know what true love is (that is what I believe). She just thinks she loves him.
If that were my daughter, that boy would have his *** thrown in jail and she’d be grounded for a long time. You’re the parent. You should’ve stepped up a long time ago.
He needs to go away!!! I have 2 daughters and theres no way I would let them date a man that old or date at 12. You need to get him out of your house. I know your daughter may hate you for a while but she will come to realize in time you did it for her, and what kind of man who is 23 has sex with a 12 year old girl. Thats sick!! Protect her your her Mom thats what we do!
Jeez…where do I begin?? First, he’s not a nice boy, he’s a man. He’s also a pedophile. He is also endangering the welfare of a child. You “mom” are also endangering the welfare of a child by your lack of action!! Shame on you!! What you should do is call Child Protective Services on yourself and the police on him. Where do you people come from????
First of all, you are an idiot for letting a 12 year old date a 23 year old. You say they are having sex because you heard commotion coming from her room? Who the hell lets a 23 year old man in their daughters bedroom? I’ll tell you who…ignorant people such as yourself! You should be aware that since you are allowing this in your home and not stopping it you are just as guilty as the 23 year old. Personally, I think your daughter should be taken away from you and the both of you should think about your lack of competent decision making in a jail cell. But hey…as long as he’s a very nice “boy”…..
oh my god……………..what kind of mom u r your daughter is too young to take decision like this…….why didnt u stop her………..it was ur responsblity to take care of her……..i ll suggest u to talk with ur daughter ………………….tell her about the problems which she may hav in future…………….u cant change what happened before ………………but i request u to save her future…………….if ur daughter dont understand ……..consult with a child psychologist……………….i WISH everything is goona be fine…………….GUD LUCK
What if she ended up pregnant?
You sound more like her pimp rather than her mother. Women like you shouldn’t have children. You know that they are having sex and you are not doing anything about it??? What kind of a woman are you??
Michelle, it sounds as though you are condoning sexual intercourse between a 23 year old MAN & your 12 year old daughter who is a GIRL. People who have relationships like this are usually referred to as pedophiles. If you will not do anything to discontinue this relationship at the very least put her on birth control pills. THINK about this. Think about yourself when you were 12. This is certainly not in the realm of an average relationship by no means. Help your daughter out before you are raising your grandchild along with your child. Condoms do break & birth control pills do fail.
What kind of mother are you? To allow such a thing?!?! He’s 23, she’s 12, lady! YOU should be the one having the police called on to let something like this happen. Nice guy or not, you’re daughter isn’t even old enough to drive, drink or smoke but yet in your opinion, she’s old enough to be having sex with a 23 year old MAN? You need to put your foot down and put a stop to it. Or someone needs to put a foot across the back of your head and knock some sense into you.
It’s because of people like you, we have girls as young as 10 getting knocked up, not being able to take care of their babies and so they go out and sell themselves to support the baby. They all end up as drug addicts…and etc.
Wow, I can’t believe this…how stupid!
You have to step up and be the parent. She in LOVE with him? She is 12. She does not know what LOVE is (besides family love). I cannot believe you are allowing this MAN in her room and to even be hanging out with your daughter MUCH LESS HAVING SEX with her! Geez…I am not trying to be mean but you cannot be your child’s friend. You need to be her parent. She is going to being very mad at you but you need to cut this off. My mother would have beat the crap out of a 23 year old man chasing her 12 year old daughter and so would I.
***********I was being dramatic…actually if you want to know what we would do it would be to call the police like responsible parents. Since you won’t do that anyways it was usless to say it. Hope your poor daughter doesn’t end up too messed up. Its not her fault that you won’t be a real parent.*******
If a 23 year old guy ever expressed any interest in my daughter when she is 12 they would be finding his body parts scattered amongst various east coast states. He is f***ed up to be attracted to a 12 year old and you are too for not calling the police.
If this is not a troll, your daughter seriously needs to be removed from your home.
You can’t let this man keep sleeping with your daughter. I know it would be hard but you need to put an end to it. She’s being molested under your eyes. I know she believes she’s in love, but he’s an adult and should not be sleeping with a child, let along a 12 year old child. The first thing I would do is sit down with her and explain to her that you love her and that this is not right. That this is child abuse and your job is to protect her, and that sometimes that means doing hard things that she might not like. Let her know that he is going to have to go, that you could call the police, but that you won’t, that you’re going to speak to him and let him know he needs to leave her alone, but that if he does continue to date her then you will have no choice but to go to the police for help protecting her. Then, immediately call him in, do not give them a chance to talk or plan. Tell him that what he is doing is child abuse. That you are not going to call the police because you love your daughter and she would be very upset if you did, but that he needs to get himself out of your home and away from your daughter. If you see him with her again in any context, even just in the same building, you will call the police so fast that he won’t know what hit him.
Honestly, he needs to have the police called, but that could very well ruin your relationship with your daughter, which you do not want to do. Whatever you do decide to do, get yourself and your daughter into family therapy and your daughter into private therapy ASAP. They can minimize the damage to your relationship and the emotional scars that having a relationship with a 23 year old man is going to have on her. Also, if he comes back around and she tells a therapist, they will HAVE to report it, so even if you don’t know she’ll be protected on that end.
Don’t call the police call DFS and report yourself!
Are you insane? He’s a child predator! I have a 12 yr old daughter and there is no way in h*ll I’d let someone rape her!
This is not dating - this is rape. You need to end it. It is your responsibility to be her MOTHER, not her friend.
If the authorities ever find out (and all it will take is this child telling a friend and the friend’s parents finding out) they will arrest you too for child endangerment.
What can you do? You can do the world a favor by getting him put behind bars so he can never harm another child again, you can get your daughter some counselling - she will need it desperately after going through this type of TRAUMA and get yourself some parenting classes. Clearly, you have some seriously f***ed up priorities.
I’m sorry to be so hostile - this makes me sick to my stomach. He is not a boy he is a sexual predator and you my friend are as lost as he is, if you don’t protect your child and do the right thing. I don’t allow my 16 yr old’s (17 yr old) boyfriend over without us at home and I certainly would not allow him to go into her bedroom - are you insane???
Think about it. The police will not understand why you didn’t protect her and neither will any judge - you will be found just as guilty as he is, except that you didn’t commit the act.
Where is this child’s father - maybe he is the one who should have custody of her.
Get some help and do the right thing.
A 12 year old should not be having sex with a boy of any age let alone a 23 year old man. Are you kidding me? She’s a little girl, not a grown women. Your little girl should still be playing with toys and having slumber parties and stuff. You should have never let him in your house, and the first sign of condoms should have meant a series talk and punishment for your little girl and a call to the police (what he’s doing is RAPE) You obviously don’t seem to care that she’s having sex. Do something now before you lose her forever and she loses her childhood forever.
This is your baby. She shouldn’t be having sex. She shouldn’t have any boys in her room at this age. This guy may be a nice guy but the fact of the matter is, is he’s molesting/Raping her with your approval. He likes little girls. But if you feel like sacrificing your daughter so that he doesn’t prey on any of our little girls then go for it. Some how he has you brain washed (Just like your daughter) into not kicking his a$$ to the curb and calling the police. Where’s the child’s Dad? I’m telling you, ask any of your adult friends if they would let there 12 yr old date a 23 yr old and have sex with them and see the reaction you get. Get with it Lady, your daughters going to hate you if you turn this guy in and if you don’t she’s going to end up hating because you didn’t.
Hello your daughter is having sex with a 23 year old!!! This is illegal in most states. Regardless if you want to get him in trouble or not, he has already gotten him self into trouble by having sex with a child. And this is your child. How would you feel if he was 43 and having sex with your 12 year old? The same or would you feel different? If you would feel different you need to call the police because this 23 is going to be that 43 year old in 20 years if you do nothing.
You and have a moral and legal obligation to keep your child safe, and thus far you have failed her. You are teaching her right now that it is OK for people to prey on her. I don’t care if you like this 23 year old or not. He is preying on your child, taking advantage of her nativity, and you are letting him. You should be ashamed of yourself and get the police involved. Because if this ever gets out and the police get involved you are going to be arrested for child endangerment because you let this go on in your house with your knowledge and did nothing. If you don’t call the police, I hope you enjoy jail. I know for a fact that you will be labeled a child molester in prison and they don’t like that up in there. Good luck
A couple of things I see here.
No dad = no male role model. I say no dad because a dad would not let a grown man do this to his daughter. You shouldn’t either.
No rules = Pregnant teen that will become rebellious and turn on you.
Have you seen the movie Black Snake Moan? Although not one of the most inspirational movies of all time, there is a confrontation between a young woman who cannot stop having sex with any man, because she was sexually assaulted as a child by her mom’s boyfriend on a regular basis while her mom listened and did nothing.
You are your daughter’s protector. You are the one who says, grown 23 year old come over to my house and sleep with my daughter in her room and have sex with her and their will be no consequences for your actions. You are letting your daughter be introduced to something she should not be introduced to yet. She should be learning to respect herself and her body. So if this boy is going to be around for much longer the new rule is no entrance to bedrooms. And if you have any ounce of love for your daughter, call this man’s family, and the police. He is sick and needs help. Sex with a 12 year old when you are 23 is just a way to manipulate and abuse someone who is younger. Shame on you for letting your daughter even get involved with this man.
If you try to keep your daughter away from him that will only make her want to get close to him. However, he this is VERY wrong for him to want to even thing about him dating a 12 year old. But I do think that you should take some sort of action. Your the mom! U need to seriously talk to your daughter. Your daughter is to young to even be engaging in sexual activities at such a young age. You need to take some sort of stand because she is at risk of getting pregnant, and even getting a STD. Especially because he has had much more sexual experience then her. Take a stand… but know that this might make her want to be with him more. But u can prevent it. She shouldn’t even dating. Keep her Lil ass in the house until she can learn to act her age. YOUR CHILD CAN ONLY DO WHAT U LET THEM OR ALLOW THEM TO DO!
Quit being your daughters friend and be her MOTHER!!! When she gets pregnant and they ask who the father is and she list it then you will go to jail for allowing it… O well… Hope you have fun living with the guilt of your daughter being pregnant and both her boyfriend AND mother are in jail!!!
Just tell him he can’t come over anymore. It’s your house you can have who you want there and deny who you don’t. I mean you let them go in her room alone together?? I understand you want to do something about it but you need to stop enabling her and him to be together. If you truly don’t want to call the police then just sit down with the boy and tell him how he can’t see your daughter and how he isn’t allowed to come to your house anymore. Personally if this doesn’t work you may want to get the police involved. I doubt you want your 12 year old getting pregnant because then you will be raising her and HER baby.
Good luck to you.
By law this isn’t just statutory rape it is CHILD rape. A child must be at least 13 to make it the lesser offense of statutory rape. I understand how it is for a mother to want to keep their children happy. But this isn’t safe for her, and one day when she is older and in therapy she will be putting the blame on you for not stopping it. She is a child and does not yet know what is best for her. I hope you do. If you don’t want this guy going away for a long time. Keep him away from your daughter. Because if a teacher or family member is the one to call the authorities your all in for a long court battle. And if the court finds out that you knew about it and did nothing you will probably be charged w/endangering a minor and your daughter will most likely be taken away from you. Look at the big picture. Her instant gratification is not worth the disaster that this situation could cause.
OH MY GOSH WHAT SORT OF MOTHER ARE YOU ..YOUR A TERRIBLE MOTHER ALLOWING THIS TO HAPPEN ..SHE WILL BE PREGNANT NEXT EWWWW
Wake up woman! What is wrong with you? I don’t care if he’s nice and immature or whatever, this is sick. She’s a little girl for God’s sake and yes it is rape. It’s called statutory rape. As for what your daughter thinks of you, you’re supposed to be a parent, not her friend. Keep that guy away from your daughter or I guarantee you, you’ll end up a grandma. I can’t believe how ignorant you sound. Why are you letting them be alone in her bedroom? Whose house is it? It seems to me you are allowing them to have sex!
your daughter is a CHILD and he is an ADULT.. it is child abuse and you are allowing it to happen in your house while you are there……
never mind what she will think of you if you report it, in years to come when she is an adult herself she will look back and realise that he was abusing her.
He is a pedophile. no matter if she wants him to have sex with her or not ,and you are encouraging this animal to prey on your daughter. She may think she loves him but it’s the excitement of having a man not a childish boyfriend that she likes….
you say he’s a nice boy, well nice boys do not abuse children, it does not matter that he is a bit immature fact is fact he is an adult exploiting a child……….
god the mear thought of some bloke pawing my 12 yr old step daughter turns my stomach……….
he’ll probably get bored with her soon anyway (as tongues start wagging) and move onto someone Else’s child……
Chances are if others do not already know they soon will and someone will report it, and then when asked if you knew and you say you did ,you yourself may face charges for not protecting your child and giving permission for a beast to abuse her…….
I am sorry but your daughter is only 12 yrs old what kinda mother would let there daughter be alone in her room with a boy especially being 23 yrs old I really hope this is a joke because I think your crazy if not and then to say you think that there having intercourse because you found used condoms in her room and you did not hit the roof that is what wrong it the kids now days the parents are allowing there kids to do whatever you should not have to even ask this question you as a mother should have never even let you 12 year old daughter be dating a 23 yr old and where is her dad at my daddy would have shoot the guy and grounded me or something no way is a 12 yr old in LOVE yet she should be worrying about school and stuff and people wonder why there is so many teens and young girls getting pregnant and having baby’s while there still baby’s them self Please get a hold of you girl and straighten this out and never never let her see this boy well I mean man or leave them alone in her room and what do you do when you hear commotion in her room just let them go at it in your house why you set there and hear them no offense but there’s something wrong with you for letting this go on
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!!! YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER NEED HELP.
To allow a grown man to sleep with your child calls for child protective services to be calle don YOU!
I have 2 children and if my 11yo son even considered sex next year with an adult it would be world war III.
HAVE SOME CONTROL !
There’s a little tv show on NBC about this very thing. It’s called “HOW TO CATCH A PREDATOR.” There are “nice boys” all over America like Doctors, Rabbis, Teachers, etc. And just because they are “nice boys” or “upstanding citizens” they get let off the hook, right? UM NO!!!!! It doesn’t matter that the sex is “consentual” because in the eyes of the law she is too young to be making that kind of decision. Spare the feelings of the guy….oh that’s nice. Don’t want your daughter to think badly of you…how sweet. You are an idiot. What do you think that she is going to think of you when she turns up pregnant and he is fast out the door (because yes, he will get in trouble then) and all she has to blame for it is you? She is too young…..YOU are supposed to be her caregiver. You are a pathetic excuse for a mom. It sounds more selfish…all about YOU. how YOU don’t want them to think bad of YOU and YOU don’t want to get anyone into trouble. HELLO!!!! Your DAUGHTER is in trouble. There is no good reason in heaven, earth, or otherwise that a 23-year-old man would want anything to do with a 12-year-old child other than SEX which he is obviously getting.
this story sounds a bit far fetched to me…if its true…then what kind of parent are you to allow this.????? I suggest you end it immediately and if not call the police or social services. This is rape…called statutory rape. and you as the parent could be arrested and possibly lose custody of your daughter and any other children you have for allowing it to happen. Sounds like you might need some mental help or counseling or parenting classes!!!!
WTF!!!!!!!!! you should be locked up for even allowing this. What kind of mother are you. Your child is 12 yrs old. having sex is one thing but with a 23 yr old. Open your eyes lady!!!!!!!!!! HE is raping your child and you are allowing it. Shame on you Report the pedophile for your daughters sake
You keep referring to this guy as a “boy”. He isn’t a boy, hes a grown Man. Your daughter should not be dating ANYONE at the age of 12, much less a man TWICE HER AGE. Give him an ultimatum: leave your daughter alone or you call the police. I know you say you don’t want to get him in trouble, but why not? He’s a pedophile! I suppose you don’t care if he ends up raping someone else’s daughter, either, then?
Meanwhile, if you don’t report him, and someone else finds out…say your daughter gets pregnant, or one of her teachers catch wind of what’s going on, then you will also go to jail because you didn’t report this. He is committing a crime and you are complacent in it. Call the cops, and get your daughter into councilling. This whole situation is so damaging to someone her age.