What boundaries have you set with your teen and dating?
Kareā„Bear asked:
I have a 14-1/2 year old freshman daughter who was just asked to homecoming. I am allowing her to go, as they are going in a large group and I have just met the young man for the first time. I still maintain she’s too young to date one-on-one and she cannot get into a car with someone that I have not met/do not know. What rules have you set up with your teen and dating?
I have a 19 year old son who did not start dating until he was a junior/senior in high school. He was interested in school activities, sports and working - so I was not prepared for this to happen so soon.
Please no sarcastic comments - I am looking for parents’ replies - not other teens. Thanks!
to the first poster: that’s where I am at - I am looking to set reasonable limits and boundaries - If I had it my way - she wouldn’t date at all..but that’s unreasonable…which is why I posted the question.
I have a 14-1/2 year old freshman daughter who was just asked to homecoming. I am allowing her to go, as they are going in a large group and I have just met the young man for the first time. I still maintain she’s too young to date one-on-one and she cannot get into a car with someone that I have not met/do not know. What rules have you set up with your teen and dating?
I have a 19 year old son who did not start dating until he was a junior/senior in high school. He was interested in school activities, sports and working - so I was not prepared for this to happen so soon.
Please no sarcastic comments - I am looking for parents’ replies - not other teens. Thanks!
to the first poster: that’s where I am at - I am looking to set reasonable limits and boundaries - If I had it my way - she wouldn’t date at all..but that’s unreasonable…which is why I posted the question.
I don’t see the point in dating any younger than 17. You are not looking for marriage and most of the time a relationship reaches a sexual point and then they are having sex, getting pregnant, or getting stds before they are even old enough to consider marriage. Also, if she wants to date this young it’s probably because it’s the “cool thing” to do, in this age state of mind, so is *** and smoking and drinking. Now is a good opportunity to set some limits and have a talk with her about all of the above.
I have twin girls 15 1/2 year old . They both have “boyfriends” who are older than they are. Up to this point my first rule has been regarding age differences. They couldn’t “go out” with someone 2 years older than they were. That’s worked really well up to this point. I do not allow one on one dating. My girls are allowed to go out on “double dates” and have a reasonable curfew. I do not have a set time they had better be home, I usually base it on the activity they are wanting to attend. I’m not sure where you are from, I am from Alabama, but most Homecoming Activities are over around midnight. I would allow my daughters to attend and if my daughters boyfriend was bringing them home, then I would only allow, say 30 minutes after to be home. Based upon how long it takes to get home that shouldn’t allow too much time for any other “extracurricular” activity. Another thing that I require is that the boys “hang out” with our family. The girls must bring the boyfriends around so we get to know them. Thankfully, my girls and their boyfriends have respected all of our rules and we haven’t had any major problems. I hope this helps and Good Luck!
I have three teen kids, my 19 year old daughter is away at med school and dating a great guy-obviously she is free to date whomever she pleases but I know she likes to get our approval.
My 14 year old son is dating a girl for the past couple of months-originally we made a rule that there was to be no dating until the kids are 16 but he has had the girl over for dinner and we really like her and can see that he is acting responsibly with her-we encourage him to go on group dates and he is not left alone with her in our home. In general there are a lot of boundaries in place for him so he is never free to hang out with her unsupervised.
My 13 year old daughter is still not allowed to date and we would try and disuade her from doing so other than in groups until she is 16.
Bottom line, your daughter is going in a group and you trust her so I think this is fine. It is also necessary to aknowledge that girls are different to boys-although my 14yr old is ‘dating’ we will not necessarily allow our 13yr old to date next year. It depends on the kid and their morals, I believe my 13yr old wants to grow up too fast and at this point in time she most definitely too young for single dating.
my son is only 8 so I am yet to experience the joys of him dating! However, when I was a teen I found it hard to talk to my mum about things as she took such a hard line. You need to be able to communicate with each other and also trust her and give her some credit. As I have read & answered many of your questions and vice versa, Im sure that your daughter has good moral grounding and a good relationship with you. Set rules for both your sakes and explain why you need to set them and that it is for both your benefit. The person who said they had twin daughters makes some really good points.
When I was 14 I went on a date and it was horrible. I was nervous and uncomfortable and decided to leave it a few months before trying another date. Many of my friends were the same.
be interested and excited for her so she feels that youre not all about the rules. Hopefully she will feel able to openly talk to you about her feelings.
xxx