How much during the week should 2 17 year olds who are dating be allowed to see each other?
jeffsgirl asked:
My mom and I have had some disagreements about how much I should be allowed to see my boyfriend. She made this rule that we could see each other one night during the week from about 3-9 friday for the same amount of time and saturday but only after 5. Then she says we spend more time together than a married couple? I feel like we barely see each other at all, she regulates how long we talk on the phone and how many e-mails we send, I feel like she’s obsessed with my relationship. I’m just wondering, what’s a reasonable amount of time for 2 high school seniors to see each other, week and weekend. We’ve been dating for 15 months, by the way.
My mom and I have had some disagreements about how much I should be allowed to see my boyfriend. She made this rule that we could see each other one night during the week from about 3-9 friday for the same amount of time and saturday but only after 5. Then she says we spend more time together than a married couple? I feel like we barely see each other at all, she regulates how long we talk on the phone and how many e-mails we send, I feel like she’s obsessed with my relationship. I’m just wondering, what’s a reasonable amount of time for 2 high school seniors to see each other, week and weekend. We’ve been dating for 15 months, by the way.
every day. i mean, your 17, why wouldn’t you be able to see each other? My sister is 17, and he drops by her work and they talk, and she goes by his house sonetimes and they see each other. This is about every day. They talk on the phone alot too. And for a 15 month relationship, she needs to stop controlling your relationship. My parents talk all the time. They text, call, and stop by each others work sometimes. They even see each other at home! If you two never see each other now, when are you? On the times your mother sets up dates for you? Good Luck, and God Bless.
As long as your school work is done and you are not slacking and have a life besides your boyfriends, then when ever you like and how much you like.
I personally think your mom is doing the right thing. Too much time together is not good. Shes controlling it and thats good.
It sounds like shes giving you plenty of time together actually. If it were my daughter, id do the exact same thing shes doing.
AS long as you are keeping up with your school work and outside responsibilites, then I don’t think she should limit things, if you guys are acting mature and responsible in your relationship, then it should be fine. Saying that, you shoudl still abide by whtever curfew your parents request of you, within reason.
when i was 17 i was seeing my boyfriend at least 3 times a week, would stay at his house till 11 when it wasnt a school night. When she said you see him more then married couples she right. Married couple are always working only see eachother maybe twice a week.
As much as does not interfere with either of your responsibilities like school, jobs, uni applications etc.
Try negotiating with your mom: Tell her to give you a trial period so that she can see that seeing each other more would not make you lose track of all the other important things you need to do. A particularly sneaky strategy is to confide that the fact that you are restricted from seeing each other probably makes you think about it more and adds the “forbidden thrill” appeal. If you spent more time together you might not be as absorbed in each other (whether true or not, it’s a good argument to give her). Having a healthy relationship is a good thing, not a bad one. Try DOING more things with the bf, rather than phoning or e-mailing to begin with.
There is no set time: depends on what you do together and how entangled your lives are. But it does sound like your mom’s a bit obsessed.
Actually for me as a parent it would involve knowing more like what are your grades, do you have a job, what other extra curricular activities. Are you 17 and a junior or a senior.
If all your life consist of is school and dating this young man, yes I would be putting some restriction. If you have good to decent grades, a part time job and are on involved in something other than your boyfriend my restrictions would be favorably less
By the time my kids were 17 I was letting up on some of the rules provided the responsibility level was there. It worked on the two older ones but the younger one got monitored until the day he left the house.
The school week is for school and if you want to get good grades then you really need to listen to your mom. Personaly being Italain my son is not even allowed to date unless his father or I am with him. We will not allow a situsation to happen where he may end up giving up his hopes and dreams before he has a chance to try for them. I also regualte his e-mail and if there is one hint of off color conversation he knows hes going to get an ear full as well as his internet cut off. Also remember that the phone is a privilage, not a right, be glad they even let you use it. Your mom is not obsessed with the realationship she just loves you and wants to see you become what ever you have set your mind to.
hmm…tough one.
i say every other day would be good. you need to spend time w/ your family and other friends, too. you also need time alone to develop your own ideas and personality.
i would say you can email every day, but don’t live on the computer.
maybe if you make an effort to spend 1 hr a day with your family, your mom would lighten up a little about the restrictions. she is probably sad that you will be leaving for college at the end of this year and is jealous of the time you’re spending w/ your boyfriend. make time for everyone else. or, as a compromise, invite your boyfriend to dinner & movies at your house w/ the family.
As long as you are living under her roof your mom sets the rules and you live by them.
You and your boyfriend aren’t dealing with love, it’s called LUST, Your mother knows that and wants to prevent having to raise a Grandchild. Respect her wishes, you only have 1 mother, you’ll have numerous “Lusting” Boyfriends. Mike S.
Unlimited time as long as your grades were acceptable.
You’re 17, you don’t have much longer before she can’t tell you anyway. What I’d think about is why she is doing it. She is just concerned for you. Think of it from a mother’s perspective, she is worried about losing her daughter. She just wants to be sure you are safe and not having sex. It doesn’t really matter what anyone on here feels is reasonable, reality is it’s up to your mother to decide. I’d just work worth her on it, give her reason to trust you. If you and this man are serious, then wait it out, it isn’t much longer and you will be able to see him whenever you want. It will be hard, but one great thing I miss about my relationship with my husband was the longing to see him when I was younger. It’s a hard feeling, but a great one at the same time, it makes the ruinions so much greater. And, don’t have sex till marriage, sorry, just had to put that one in there!
as long the stuff that u need to have done is done then u should b allowed to see him whenever .. that is how my mom was ..
i agree with your mom, shes just looking out for you and your best interests
your mom needs to get off your back and let you live your life . you are seventeen not seven. your almost legally an adult.
As much as you want, you are young adults and about to enter the world very soon. This is time to assert your independence and tell her you will no longer allow her to micromanage your relationship.